Love is a popular topic and widely used term, but what is Love?

Isn’t love the EXPRESSION of ANY of the concepts contained in the List of Values above? Isn’t demonstration of any of these expressions of love?

Conversely, can love exist, can it be valid and genuine, if these critical elements are missing?

• Can a person profess love, yet be unkind?
• Can a person profess love, yet be untruthful?
• Can a person profess love, yet be dishonest, inauthentic, selfish, callous, uncaring, and uncompassionate?

You get the idea… try out each term above and see if each qualifies, in your mind, as a facet of love, and whether expressing the opposite of each is a negation of love.

How can anyone express the opposite of these and claim they are loving? But many do…

• A spouse may lie and cheat yet claim they love their partner.
• A parent may speak cruelly and beat their child yet claim they are doing so out of love.
• A person may be fake, dishonest, passively aggressive with a “friend” yet claim they love them.

If you decide being loving is important to you, that it is one of your core values and ideals, then expressing the values listed above is ESSENTIAL. If you don’t express and embody these qualities, how can you claim to be loving or expressing love?

Avoid hypocrisy…

You cannot claim to be loving and brutalize or exploit the weak. You cannot claim to be loving and decimate an ecosystem or toxify an environment. You cannot claim to be loving and deceive, lie, be fake, or stingy.

Love is true caring and true giving. If you are not up to the task yet claim to be loving, you are deluding yourself and are a hypocrite.

Love honestly and truthfully.

Our essence is to express love… 

To be truly whole and happy we must be proficient and generous in our expression of love, both to ourselves, and to others. And by others, I mean ANY form of life, be it another person, an animal, or any living creature, plant, or our planet.

Money is neither good nor bad. It’s just a tool to affect change.

It is the way the tool is used, and the effect it provokes, that matters.

Money is a form of energy. Energy is the ability to do work. The rate of doing work is power, so in a sense spending money is exercising power.

Have you ever considered how you spend your money and exercise your spending power??

What values and ideals does your spending support, condone, encourage, and reinforce?

• Do you value cheapness, so buy whatever’s cheap without considering longer-term consequences?
• Do you value expedience, so buy what’s quick and easy, while ignoring other costs?
• Do you value profits even if the projects generating them pollute and destroy ecosystems?
• Do you value ROI above people, so invest in companies that poison people, or produce armaments to bomb villages, destroy lives, and incinerate the children living there?

Have you truly considered how your spending aligns with your values and ideals? Could you look your young child in the eyes and explain your choices, and their consequences, with a clear conscience?

Is your use of money truly loving, or just pretending to be so?

Or would you prefer not to think about it?

Why do loving people sometimes do such unloving things?

Is it because of money, and what people will do to get it?

Why do individuals, who can be the nicest, kindest, most trustworthy friends one-on-one, sometimes become vicious in groups such as during looting, or riots, or protests, or the brutal response of some police to peaceful protesters?

Is it because anonymity, diffusion of responsibility, or money INSULATES and reduces one’s ability to feel the consequences of their destructive choices, or absolves individuals of responsibility for their actions when in a group, mob, or committee?

Would they still do these horrible things,
if there wasn’t a financial gain corrupting them?

Is money truly a value or an ideal?

Is your ideal JUST to have a pile of gold, coins, jewels, and currency, in absence of all else? Or is money and wealth just a tool, an avatar, a placeholder for the possibilities of what it could be used to do, or provide?

Isn’t money just a tool to achieve a result, just one form of currency that can be used to uphold a real value or true ideal?

Money is great, but keep a balanced perspective of what’s truly important, beyond money.

Possessions and toys can be a lot of fun and can add to life’s enjoyment, but what do YOU consider to be a possession, and what do they mean to you?

Ownership…

What do you consider possessions? What do you consider YOUR possessions?

Are people possessions? Of course not, you might say, slavery is wrong and was outlawed years ago. I agree with its abolishment and do not support the notion of slavery.   Really?

How about your spouse? Are they your possession? Of course not, you might say, in our culture they are free and equal. We do not control our spouse or treat them as a possession.   Really?

How about your children? Are they your possessions? Of course not, you may say, I love them and want the best for them, and I care for and guide them as best I am able. I want my children to be as free as I am.   Really?

How about your staff at work, your direct reports, your subordinates? Are they your possessions? Of course not, you may say, they are free people, like me. We work together for common goals and share the rewards of our labours equitably. I respect them and treat them fairly and am considerate of their needs and those of their families. I want them to thrive, just as much as I want to thrive myself.   Really?

Does your appetite and desire for possessions undermine your ideals?

If FREEDOM is truly one of your values, then you must allow this of others, including respecting the freedom of your spouse and your kids to follow their dreams and inspirations, and to express their creativity, pursue their passions, and to be who THEY want to be.

If FAIRNESS is truly one of your values, then you must apply this to others including those over which you have responsibility and control, such as treating coworkers, staff, and subordinates fairly as you would want to be treated were you in their position and them in yours.

If employer and employee roles were reversed tomorrow, would you be happy to work under the type of leadership you have been exemplifying to your subordinates? Have you been considerate of THEM to the degree you would want them to be considerate of YOU? Have you shared equitably with them, to the degree you would wish them to share with you if you were their subordinate employee?

Do you sow what you want to reap?

Do you put out what YOU would like to get back?

In business there is something called a shotgun clause where one business partner can offer to buy out the other partner for an amount, but the second partner being bought out has the option to turn the tables and buy out the original partner for the same amount. The intention being that the partner making the initial offer must make it fair enough such that they would be prepared to accept it themselves if the tables are turned.

Are you living your life such that
in any situation your CONDUCT is SO fair and equitable
that you would be happy trading places with the other party?

In all things, sow what you would be happy to reap. Give out, what you would like to get back.

Reasons for wanting…

What about your reasons for wanting possessions? Is it to provide pleasure or comfort… or is it to validate your own self worth?

Do you want possessions to have fun, provide comfort or amusement, to satisfy your thirst for learning, growth, and new experiences…

…OR…

…is your appetite for possessions driven by a NEED to shore up your own sense of low self worth?

Do you need a bigger salary, house, car, cottage, or personal airplane to PROVE your worth to others, or to yourself? Are you trying to CONVINCE them, or YOU, that you are successful, powerful, and a winner?

Do you not already understand your INNATE self worth?

If you truly understand your self worth, possessions just become another desire in proportion with other wants such as good health, relationships, love, and opportunity for enjoyment, creativity, and personal growth.

Possessions just become a BYPRODUCT of thriving and living fully and happily
in alignment with your values and ideals.

In this section, by education, we mean a formal education such as you might get at a college or university. Some people, and especially some cultures, value education very highly.

But why?

Some say they value education to help provide a brighter future with more options, for their children, but digging deeper this seems to really mean earning power, wealth, possessions, and bragging rights, not just for the educated person, but also for the parents. “My child’s a doctor, lawyer, engineer, accountant, professor, etc. Isn’t that great? So, by extension, so am I.”

It’s great to be in a profession… if that’s what YOU want to do and want to be, and it’s the individual’s choice to pursue it. However, often it is the parents’ prodding and choosing, perhaps because they think it will be good for their child, but also because it will be good for them. Perhaps it was the path the parent wanted but didn’t follow and the child’s career becomes a surrogate for the career they never had.

Some parents chase and guilt their children, pushing them around like a possession on a game-board, driving them to become what THEY, the parent, wants them to become rather than what the child wants to become themselves.

The discussions, evaluations, and decisions regarding careers often centre around earning power, prestige, and how much the parent can expedite the process through their experience or connections.

Where is the discussion about what the INDIVIDUAL wants, what their passion is, what their aptitudes are, and whether such job or career provides OTHER desired facets of life, such as working environment, acceptable stress levels, enjoyment in carrying out their profession, or provides them with a sense of MEANING?

If the individual is being bullied and manipulated, do they just accept this role like a passive child, or do they SPEAK up and stand up for what THEY want and exercise THEIR right to choose?

THEY are the ones who will be spending years doing the tasks of their job, trade, or career. Shouldn’t it be ENTIRELY the individual’s choice of their vocation or profession?

Recommendations versus Decision…

What is the difference between a recommendation and a decision?

Everyone is free to solicit and entertain recommendations from anyone they think can provide useful information and perspective. However, just because you ASK for a recommendation does NOT mean you must follow it.

Recommendations can come from anyone, but the DECISION must be made by the individual who will assume the consequences of the decision. There’s no such thing as “You/he/she/they made me do it!” They articulated and put forth their suggestion, but YOU chose to adopt it, so now YOU own it.

You could have refused, but when you agreed, YOU took ownership and now have no grounds to blame another for YOUR decision.

Your decisions are there to be made by YOU, and if you relinquish, subcontract, or abdicate your responsibility to make your own decisions, you still OWN the consequences. Like the song lyric goes, “If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.”

Solicit and entertain recommendations but make your OWN decisions
and then OWN the consequences.

A knowledge packet…

Education is the process of gaining a packet of knowledge related to a certain subject or skill. Education is not intelligence. Even the unintelligent can achieve an education if they work at it long enough.

Intelligence is your natural ability to process information. Just because a person is educated does not necessarily make them intelligent.

Experience is knowledge gained by living and doing. Experience must be acquired by having… well, experiences.

Knowledge is information gained either by study or experience. Education can provide knowledge, and some forms of educations, such as trades or vocational training can provide experience, but so can LIFE.

Smarts. A person can be book-smart (through education), or street-smart (through life experiences), or BOTH. Just because a person is not formally educated does not mean they are unintelligent, un-knowledgeable, inexperienced, or not smart.  

Cleverness is the creative, inventive, effective, practical application of any or all the above (education, intelligence, experience, knowledge, and/or smarts).

Creativity is the novel ingenious, artful composure and composition of a thing, be it the design of a computer chip, a musical symphony, a sculpting, or a solution to a problem. Creativity, like cleverness, leverages all the above qualities and attributes to achieve utility, practicality, and beauty.

Wisdom is the quality of applying any or all the above in the context of a situation with the ability to balance elements skilfully and adeptly, and with ability to foresee potential outcomes based on experience and knowing. Wisdom yields the optimal path, that yields the best for the most, all considered.

Knowing is awareness with clarity and certainty, despite the non-locality of the source of the knowing. One may know, without being able to point to the reason why or how they know, and the exact source of the knowledge.

Understanding is an awareness of the relationships and interactions of various elements of information and knowledge. It includes the aspects of relevance, dynamic interactions, causal relationships, principles and resulting behaviours.

Comprehension is understanding that is embedded and internalized.

When one considers the above spectrum of awareness and their related terms, it becomes evident that education is nearer the bottom than the top of the competence ladder.

Education is a fundamental building block for higher levels of awareness and competence. This runs counter to the popular notion that education is the pinnacle, the be-all and end-all to be highly sought after and even by some, worshipped.

Education is a starting point that provides basic tools and skills. If education is your ONLY source of competence, you are likely under-performing. Education may introduce the hammer, paintbrush, or calculus equation, but it does not make one a carpenter, painter, or mathematician. Experience and practice do that.

Furthermore, education is NOT the only way to become knowledgeable… or useful. It is merely a prepackaged kit of information to ensure certain elements (according to the course syllabus) are included. Education provides the generally accepted and accredited package of information related to a subject.

Accreditation: People who trust their OWN senses can often determine another’s competence themselves. Those who can’t, need to see accreditation and certification that declares that another has made this determination for them. Accreditation is most important to those who can’t determine competence and truth for themselves.

Education is just a recognized, referenced starting point. It offers no GUARANTEE of success, affluence, or happiness. If the individual is not in alignment with the subject matter, then education is just as likely to bring frustration, dissatisfaction, unhappiness, and financial indebtedness.

Education, like money, is just a tool, not a true value or ideal, even though many place such high value on it. Education needs to be augmented with practical experience and extended into useful action. For example, a physician’s understanding of human anatomy is relatively useless, until it is extended and applied with practical experience into effective healing and maintenance of good health.

Like money, it is what you DO with education that matters.  

The value of ability depends on its realization to accomplish beneficial outcomes.

An Olympian may be able to run as fast as the wind. So what? How is that useful and relevant in any significant way, other than to provide fleeting entertainment. Yes, it is an accomplishment; so, is holding your breath for a long time, but where is its ability to improve lives, minimize suffering, uplift, or provide benefit? Such ability is a novelty to be witnessed, be impressed by for a moment, before the observer’s interest, and the performer’s ability (for that matter), fades into obscurity.

If you are sufficiently rare in your ability, others may pay the price of admission to watch and experience. This may provide the observer with some relief and distraction from less pleasant aspects of their life, but it usually offers little of significant lasting value.

As with money and education, the real value of ability resides in
the degree to which lives are improved.

The dream of so many parents of their child becoming a professional athlete is rooted primarily in the ability to earn a big salary, become famous and acquire ego-stroking bragging rights. To what degree has the world been improved, other than the inflation of egos and bank accounts of those directly involved, and the temporary amusement and distraction of those watching. Becoming a professional athlete is primarily a self serving ideal that is largely irrelevant to greater humanity.

A cold, starving child doesn’t give a fig how many hat-tricks you had last season.
Why do you?  

Fame is nice. It feels good to be recognized and praised and applauded.

But what are you famous for?

Did you do something that improved the lives of many, or commit some atrocious crime?

The appeal of fame is often just inflation of one’s ego.

Alternatively, fame may result from recognition of the expression of true values or ideals, such as kindness, or uplifting and promoting the personal empowerment of others.

It all depends on the REASON for the fame.

As with any intoxicant, excess fame can become unhealthy if it leads to addiction or imbalance. Fame can be a great byproduct, but it is not a worthy, primary pursuit, and is something that must be kept in balance and proportion with other facets of the individual.

Children are precious and deserve to be regarded and treated accordingly. Having and raising children is a privilege and a responsibility. Children deserve to be respected for their intrinsic value and are to be protected until they can manage their own wellbeing.

When you bring a child into this world, or adopt one, you are making a commitment to nurture, uplift, and assist them in becoming what they aspire to be, to the degree you are able, until they can do so for themselves.

However, children are NOT your possession, nor are they an accessory to be paraded as an extension or representation of you. They are not a pawn to be pushed around the chessboard of life at your whim. They are not your plaything. They are NOT your pet animal to be trained to perform and do tricks for you and your friends’ amusement.

Children have just as much intrinsic value as YOU.

It just so happens that in THIS incarnation you are their parent rather than the other way around as it may be in ANOTHER life.

Treat them as YOU would want to be treated if YOU were THEM.

Chances are it will not be long before you WILL be in their place. Treat them in a way that serves as an example of how you would like THEM to treat YOU.

There’s a saying… “Be nice to your kids. They choose your nursing home.” One might also add, “Be a good example to your kids, they will be YOUR parents again, soon enough!”

Children have astronomical value. Value them, but do not saddle them with responsibility for YOUR own sense of self worth. Your child’s accomplishments are THEIRS, not yours. Love and appreciate them enthusiastically, and unreservedly. Since what you put out is what you get back, you will likely receive their love, appreciation, and enthusiasm for your wellbeing in return.

Value your children and make it one of your ideals to support, uplift, and help them KNOW their magnificence, potential, and worth every opportunity you get, just as you would like them to do for you when the roles are reversed.

Power represents potential to create. Power is a tool, like money, like education.

Its value depends on how it is used, what is accomplished, and the degree to which it beneficially affects peoples’ lives.

Benefiting lives is the true value of power,
and its use in this way is a noble ideal.

Seek to make the responsible, benevolent use of YOUR power a personal ideal.

DEMONSTRATE its constructive application,
and let your use of it inspire others to do likewise.

Charity, as the term is meant in this discussion, is defined by Merriam Webster as…

1. generosity and helpfulness especially toward the needy or suffering…
2. benevolent goodwill toward or love of humanity…
3. lenient judgment of others.

Is charity one of your values? Is its realization and expression one of your ideals?

Seems like a good idea, but there are a couple subtleties to consider.

FIRST is understanding the reasons for your charity. Is it to look good in front of others? This would be charity for self-serving egotistical reasons. How much of your charitable “gift” is intended to benefit another, and how much is to benefit you? In an AND Universe both can exist, just understand your reasons.

If your charity was anonymous and conducted out of the view of others, yet accomplished the same, or greater benefit, but you went unrecognized for having given it, would you still be as enthusiastic about your giving?

Your truthful answer to this question hints at the fraction of your charity that is altruistic versus the amount that is self serving. If the self-serving fraction is disproportionately large, you might consider WHY this visibility is so important to your self worth.

SECOND is being respectful of the recipient and not stripping them of their dignity in exchange for your charity.

There is a social media trend of making videos of giving food or cash to hungry homeless people and capturing their emotional reaction, presumably without them knowing they are being filmed, and for what purpose. While this may seem fun, superficially kind, and harmless, and may melt the hearts of viewers, and perhaps inspire them to engender such genuine appreciation in recipients they could help, there is also an insidious side.

In a way the person staging and filming the interaction is doing so for their own self-serving reasons and is exploiting the homeless person’s vulnerability and disadvantaged condition. Posting such videos can gain “Likes” and increase viewership traffic that can boost a video channel’s advertising revenues for the channel owner. A few dollars worth of cheap fast food and a needy individual are the makings of a cheap shot at “clickbait.” The video’s earnings can far outpace and outlast the “charity” given to the homeless person whose benefits are meagre and fleeting. The video may be earning revenue long after the charitable meal has been digested, and perhaps even after the homeless person has expired.

It’s a balance…

Visible charity CAN inspire others to do the same but can also tempt the giver to give for their own selfish reasons rather than the benefit of the recipient. If everyone benefits equitably, so be it. But if sinister aspects become significant, perhaps some self introspection on the part of the giver as to their reasons for giving would be appropriate.

When bestowing charity, give because you WANT to,
primarily for the benefit of the recipient and avoid diminishing their dignity.

Charity with dignity…

A young child watched their parent purchase goods at a higher price from a vendor, when they could have bought them elsewhere for less. The child asked the parent why they did not buy the less expensive items and save their money. The parent replied, the seller of less expensive goods seemed to be doing well, whereas the seller of the more expensive, and perhaps higher quality items, seemed like they could use some kindness and support.

Buying from the more expensive vendor provided support, in the form of a sale, without appearing like charity. This, is charity with dignity.

It was also a way for the purchaser to vote with their dollars for their ideal of higher quality goods, and those who provide them. It was an opportunity to show kindness to another and reinforce the idea that quality goods are more important to them than cheap price, and to demonstrate these values and ideals to their child.  

Charity with dignity, as well as kindness, support of quality and of those who provide it,
and teaching by example, are all worthwhile ideals.

Dignity is a value that often relates to a person’s sense of self worth.

Some people want dignity for themselves, but fail to bestow it on others. They may dismiss the homeless person, or feel entitled to yell at and disrespect their spouse, or child, or employee, because they think they are not worthy of dignity.

But if dignity is truly one of your values, then it must be a two-way street.
If you expect to get it, then you must be prepared to give it accordingly.

Respect and avoid diminishing another person’s sense of dignity. You value your dignity, and they value theirs. All benefit when all retain their dignity.

What you put out is what you get back. Sow the crop you want to reap.